Not only that, but our Secret Survivors community continues to grow, providing a safe place for people to open up about their struggles, their secrets, and to help one another on the journey to becoming survivors. If you haven’t checked it out yet, make sure you do.

I still have a few more YouTube videos to create. It’s no secret in my life that I’m crazy busy these days, so I will make a concerted effort to get more stories up on the site soon. Thanks for being patient!

Just wanted to make sure you knew that we’ve posted the story of Matt, a survivor of porn addiction, to our YouTube channel. You can watch Matt’s story here. If you haven’t subscribed to the channel yet, make sure you do so you’ll see whenever we get new videos up. We’ve gotten some great feedback and had some really good conversations with people as a result of these videos. So check them out and make sure you tell a friend.

Hope you’re having a great day…

Secret Survivors: Kat–a Survivor of Date Rape

Hope to see you there.

One of the secrets that was written on a card during our Secret Survivors seminar a couple weeks ago said, “I was a heroin and crack addict for two years. I used drugs to numb the pain of having an absent father.”

How do you numb the pain? I found that for all the things I tried to numb my pain, they were only temporary (and not even that effective!). I’m not sure there is a real solution for getting rid of the pain; it’s more about learning how to deal with it. My pain led me to write this book… Where can your pain take you?

• Stealing gum (for some reason, this was the most common thing stolen. easy access maybe? low risk?)
• Peeking at hidden Christmas presents (I like the one who actually opened them all and re-wrapped them four days before Christmas!)

I think I could honestly say that I did both of those as a kid. In fact, I think I stole more than gum, but I’ll have to think long and hard about that.

The big difference between our silly childhood secrets and the serious stuff we start to hide as we get older is that the deep, dark secrets can really affect every aspect of our lives. I’m sure a lot of us felt guilty for stealing gum or sneaking a peek at presents, but imagine how holding onto a painful secret of abuse or self-injury, or addiction can begin to attack you…emotionally, physically, relationally, and spiritually.

For each of us whose stories were in Secret Survivors, we discovered that when we held on to our secrets, it became like a cancer, eating away at us from the inside. Many of us experienced physical pain, ulcers, weight loss or gain, etc. Most of us pushed people away from us…our friends, family, and even God. All of us experienced emotional breakdowns. We all felt alone. But the power in releasing a secret is that once you do, you’ve found a cure for the cancer. As you begin to work through the pain of your secret with someone you can trust, your body begins to recover, slowly. You long to be connected to other people and to God. You begin to remember who you really are, not who you became as a result of your secret.

I encourage you today, wherever you are, to think about how you can start to let go of your secret. If you’re holding on to it, it really has a hold on you. Break the control your secret has over you, and tell someone about it.

Last week Megan and I had the opportunity to do a seminar on Secret Survivors at the National Youth Workers Convention, and around 300 people attended. During the seminar, we had people write down a silly childhood secret that they kept (and some people still never told anyone until they wrote it down that day!). We got some good ones and wanted to share a few. The point of this was to help break the ice a little when it comes to sharing secrets. Sometimes it’s easier to tell something silly, while still remaining anonymous, in order to work up the courage to reveal your real secret…even if you do that anonymously too. So here goes. If you’ve got your own crazy childhood secret, let us know!

*Would “poot” in class and blame the quite girl in front of me that always alphabetically sat in front of me.

*My brothers would put me in the bottom of a sleeping bag and roll me down the stairs.

*My best friend, Steve, and I would hide in the trees and shoot cars that drove by with his B-B gun.

*I spray painted a cow and blamed it on the kids up the road.

*I stole 30 chocolate milks in the lunch line in 3rd grade. I was caught and had to pay $1.50 for the milks.

*I opened all my Christmas presents 4 days before Christmas and wrapped them again.

HA! Some of these really cracked us up. Let us know your silly childhood secret… It’s the first step in finding the courage to talk about the deeper stuff. And if you really want to share, check out our Secret Survivors network.

Leah never really felt loved by her parents. She was abandoned by her dad before she was even born, and later her mom sent her to live with the stranger who was her father. It didn’t take long for the physical abuse to start. Leah was severely beaten by her dad, and one day she came home from school to find that her dad and step-mom were moving out–without her. She was abandoned once again and was left searching for hope and love.

Jessica was seventeen when her uncle raped her. It sent her into a downward spiral of bad relationships and bad choices. She shared her secret with a few safe people, but it took her years before she could tell her family. During those years of darkness, she experienced pain that affected every aspect of her life–physically, emotionally, mentally, and relationally. Her long, slow journey towards hope led her to share her story in this book.

Chuck never fit in. When some kids at school offered him drugs, he decided it might be a good way to fit in. Before he knew it, Chuck was ingesting every kind of drug and alcohol he could get his hands on. Several DUIs and marriages later, Chuck realized that if he kept using he’d lose his son. His rocky path to sobriety and healing inspires his son, and anyone else who hears his story.

Catherine was an “oops” baby in her family, and she felt it. Never quite feeling like she belonged, she did everything she could to gain the approval of her parents. Feeling out of control of her life, she began to focus on things she could control–food and exercise. It didn’t take long for Catherine to develop an eating disorder that lasted long into her adult life. Her secret affected everyone around her, including her own daughter. But her journey towards healing is inspiring and beautiful, just like Catherine.

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Whether you can relate to one of these stories or not, the reality is that when we carry a secret we feel pain and shame that is universal. Your story may be different than mine, but we share a common pain and heartbreak. Together, as we share our stories, we find wholeness and hope. It’s our hope that these stories will encourage you to begin your healing journey as well, and share your secret with someone…anyone.

Thanks for your help!