It’s been nearly a year since Secret Survivors released, and I’m still hearing amazing stories about how people are impacted by the book. In fact, just this week a girl spent nearly the last of her money on a copy of our book at a conference, knowing full well that she had a 48-hour drive back home to Canada and only $5 left in her wallet. She told my friend Jamie (who was working at the conference store) that she just couldn’t leave the event without Secret Survivors. That touched my heart on so many levels. I’m excited to think about how the stories in the book will impact her life, and in turn, how she will impact the lives of people around her.

Not only that, but our Secret Survivors community continues to grow, providing a safe place for people to open up about their struggles, their secrets, and to help one another on the journey to becoming survivors. If you haven’t checked it out yet, make sure you do.

I still have a few more YouTube videos to create. It’s no secret in my life that I’m crazy busy these days, so I will make a concerted effort to get more stories up on the site soon. Thanks for being patient!

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Pain is everywhere. If you’re not feeling any today, watch the news. It’s out there. Nobody is immune to pain. But we all deal with pain differently. Some people stuff it. Some take it out on others. Some take it out on themselves.

One of the secrets that was written on a card during our Secret Survivors seminar a couple weeks ago said, “I was a heroin and crack addict for two years. I used drugs to numb the pain of having an absent father.”

How do you numb the pain? I found that for all the things I tried to numb my pain, they were only temporary (and not even that effective!). I’m not sure there is a real solution for getting rid of the pain; it’s more about learning how to deal with it. My pain led me to write this book… Where can your pain take you?

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Looking through my stack of childhood secrets that Megan and I received during our seminar last week, I’ve come to the conclusion that two secrets were the most popular ones in my stack:

• Stealing gum (for some reason, this was the most common thing stolen. easy access maybe? low risk?)
• Peeking at hidden Christmas presents (I like the one who actually opened them all and re-wrapped them four days before Christmas!)

I think I could honestly say that I did both of those as a kid. In fact, I think I stole more than gum, but I’ll have to think long and hard about that.

The big difference between our silly childhood secrets and the serious stuff we start to hide as we get older is that the deep, dark secrets can really affect every aspect of our lives. I’m sure a lot of us felt guilty for stealing gum or sneaking a peek at presents, but imagine how holding onto a painful secret of abuse or self-injury, or addiction can begin to attack you…emotionally, physically, relationally, and spiritually.

For each of us whose stories were in Secret Survivors, we discovered that when we held on to our secrets, it became like a cancer, eating away at us from the inside. Many of us experienced physical pain, ulcers, weight loss or gain, etc. Most of us pushed people away from us…our friends, family, and even God. All of us experienced emotional breakdowns. We all felt alone. But the power in releasing a secret is that once you do, you’ve found a cure for the cancer. As you begin to work through the pain of your secret with someone you can trust, your body begins to recover, slowly. You long to be connected to other people and to God. You begin to remember who you really are, not who you became as a result of your secret.

I encourage you today, wherever you are, to think about how you can start to let go of your secret. If you’re holding on to it, it really has a hold on you. Break the control your secret has over you, and tell someone about it.

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When we’re kids, we keep a lot of secrets. Usually those are silly secrets that are only kept so we don’t get grounded! For example, I stole my friend’s Barbie when I was a kid, but I denied it for a long time because it was the coolest Barbie and I wanted to keep it. I finally fessed up because I’d get in more trouble if I didn’t!

Last week Megan and I had the opportunity to do a seminar on Secret Survivors at the National Youth Workers Convention, and around 300 people attended. During the seminar, we had people write down a silly childhood secret that they kept (and some people still never told anyone until they wrote it down that day!). We got some good ones and wanted to share a few. The point of this was to help break the ice a little when it comes to sharing secrets. Sometimes it’s easier to tell something silly, while still remaining anonymous, in order to work up the courage to reveal your real secret…even if you do that anonymously too. So here goes. If you’ve got your own crazy childhood secret, let us know!

*Would “poot” in class and blame the quite girl in front of me that always alphabetically sat in front of me.

*My brothers would put me in the bottom of a sleeping bag and roll me down the stairs.

*My best friend, Steve, and I would hide in the trees and shoot cars that drove by with his B-B gun.

*I spray painted a cow and blamed it on the kids up the road.

*I stole 30 chocolate milks in the lunch line in 3rd grade. I was caught and had to pay $1.50 for the milks.

*I opened all my Christmas presents 4 days before Christmas and wrapped them again.

HA! Some of these really cracked us up. Let us know your silly childhood secret… It’s the first step in finding the courage to talk about the deeper stuff. And if you really want to share, check out our Secret Survivors network.

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We promised a part two, so here it is! Below you’ll find a little bit about the rest of the stories found in Secret Survivors. These are brave people who lived through some pretty dark stuff and came out on the other side to tell about it. Their stories are encouraging and hopeful, so check them out…

Leah never really felt loved by her parents. She was abandoned by her dad before she was even born, and later her mom sent her to live with the stranger who was her father. It didn’t take long for the physical abuse to start. Leah was severely beaten by her dad, and one day she came home from school to find that her dad and step-mom were moving out–without her. She was abandoned once again and was left searching for hope and love.

Jessica was seventeen when her uncle raped her. It sent her into a downward spiral of bad relationships and bad choices. She shared her secret with a few safe people, but it took her years before she could tell her family. During those years of darkness, she experienced pain that affected every aspect of her life–physically, emotionally, mentally, and relationally. Her long, slow journey towards hope led her to share her story in this book.

Chuck never fit in. When some kids at school offered him drugs, he decided it might be a good way to fit in. Before he knew it, Chuck was ingesting every kind of drug and alcohol he could get his hands on. Several DUIs and marriages later, Chuck realized that if he kept using he’d lose his son. His rocky path to sobriety and healing inspires his son, and anyone else who hears his story.

Catherine was an “oops” baby in her family, and she felt it. Never quite feeling like she belonged, she did everything she could to gain the approval of her parents. Feeling out of control of her life, she began to focus on things she could control–food and exercise. It didn’t take long for Catherine to develop an eating disorder that lasted long into her adult life. Her secret affected everyone around her, including her own daughter. But her journey towards healing is inspiring and beautiful, just like Catherine.

**

Whether you can relate to one of these stories or not, the reality is that when we carry a secret we feel pain and shame that is universal. Your story may be different than mine, but we share a common pain and heartbreak. Together, as we share our stories, we find wholeness and hope. It’s our hope that these stories will encourage you to begin your healing journey as well, and share your secret with someone…anyone.

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So for some reason Facebook has labeled the Secret Survivors website as “malicious.” I don’t know why, but it’s really frustrating. I’ve asked friends on Facebook to go to bat for us, so I’m asking anyone else out there… If you’re on Facebook, join the group for Secret Survivors and make sure you let Facebook know that the website should not be labeled as malicious.

Thanks for your help!

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We thought we’d give you a glimpse at some of the painful issues covered in Secret Survivors. Megan and I spent time with six amazing people to learn about their journeys…who they were growing up, how their secret became part of their lives, what effect the secret had on their lives, and how they were able to begin healing once they shared their secret with someone.

Kat was a feisty girl who loved to sing and perform for people. She had dreams of playing the role of Annie on Broadway one day. But at the age of 14 she was date raped by a guy she thought really loved her. That led her to act out in ways that were unimaginable to people who knew her well. It wasn’t until she was in college that she realized what had happened to her (that it wasn’t her fault).

Daria first started cutting when she was in second grade. She lived in a home filled with anger and lacking in love, and had a dad who left before she was born. It didn’t take long for her to figure out that physical pain helped numb her emotional pain.

Whitney was a “good Christian girl” who secretly began having sex with her boyfriend in high school. It was a secret she kept from everyone, even her best friends. But her darkest secret happened during her freshman year of college when she had an abortion. And her secret grew even darker when she had a second abortion…

Matt was only nine when he discovered pornography. It didn’t take long for an addiction to form and he became creative at hiding his trails online from his parents. But when the found out about his struggle, he just worked harder to hide it from them as his perspective on women and sex became skewed.

**

This is just a brief look at the first four stories from Secret Survivors. The thing that was amazing about each of the stories and the people we met was that while each secret was unique, the pain they felt inside while carrying it alone was very much the same. The loneliness and despair and fear of judgment was overwhelming. But fortunately for each of these people, sharing their secret was the beginning of a journey towards healing and wholeness. You can read their whole stories in the book and discover what helped them find the courage to share their secret and what has helped them begin to heal.

Stay tuned for Part 2 to get a glimpse at the rest of the survivors in our book.

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In case you’ve been on the edge of your seat waiting for Secret Survivors to be available, your wait is over! It’s officially out, and you can get your hands on a copy at your local bookstore or here.

Megan and I were so excited to see this project finally come to fruition and we can’t wait to hear stories from the people who read it. In fact, I’ve already heard a couple good ones, which I’ll share in another post. For now, just know that we really hope this book will help people feel like they’re not alone and that they can begin healing from their secret pain.

More soon…

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Everyone has secrets, but you don’t have to live with your pain all alone. Secret Survivors tells the compelling, true stories of people who have lived through painful secrets. As you read stories about rape, addiction, cutting, abuse, abortion, and more, you’ll find the strength to share your own story and start healing, and you may even discover how to help a friend in pain.

Preorder your copy today.

Secret Survivors: Real-life Stories to Give You Hope for Healing (Invert)

Stay tuned to this site for more stories, and encouragement to help you heal.

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